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The idea that sexual desire can exist independently from an emotional relationship is one that a lot of people have issues wrapping their heads around.

Sexual desire is of the body while affection – romantic or otherwise – is of the mind.

People who believe that yes, men and women the idea that there’s some sort of impossible wall between men and women and ascribe all sorts of motivations to it – that men only are friends with women because they want to sleep with them or that women that their male friends want them and string them along because they enjoy the ego boost or because they get their jollies over the power they wield.

Part of what keeps the topic alive is the way that pop-culture seems to on the idea that beneath any platonic mixed-gender friendship bubbles a simmering brew of frustrated sexual desire and sublimated romantic dreams just waiting to boil over and cause all sorts of delicious drama. Horrible’s Sing-Along-Blog, Gossip Girl, Teen Wolf, Twilight, The Ugly Truth, American Pie 2, Slumdog Millionaire, Friends With Kids, French Kiss, Chasing Amy, He’s Just Not Into You, Some Kind of Wonderful, Pretty In Pink It’s not surprising really.

We are so at the mercy of our hard-ons that the merest hint of sex is enough to reduce us to cavemen, incapable of anything other than the fulfillment of our immediate desires.And yet the idea that men are ultimately controlled by their libidos is an insulting one; it implies that we have no free will once sex is in the picture, that we are nothing but erections with legs, compelled to plunge ourselves into whatever orifice will receive us.The idea that men are incapable of controlling their desire is an infantilization of male sexuality; it implies that men are baser and less-evolved than women and as a result, women are the de-facto gatekeepers of sex.Men are unable to control themselves, therefor their every motive should be considered suspect.Just as we have a complicated relationship with the idea of “love”, we have a similarly complicated one with “sex”.

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Unrequited love (or at least, horniness) makes for great drama.

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